Today is my Random Spin-Off Friday! I was over at Covered in Grace's page (find her here: http://brookecoveredingrace.blogspot.com/ ) and read her "Letter to God". I used to write letters to God all the time. It was my way of just getting everything that cluttered my mind and heart out, and what better way to do that but by turning it into a conversation with my Lord? There isn't a better listening ear around! And the best thing is that you can give it to Him, and know that it's out of your hands and in His. I have been praying a LOT lately, what with my Emily girl starting school and it being so hard on all of us. I need to do this, so here is my prayer today...
Lord, you know what weighs on my heart these days. I am so emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausted. I have cried so many tears and prayed so many prayers and I'm just at a loss. I know that You are in control and that You have this all under control, but right now I just can't feel it. I don't know how to make it better, or to do my part as a parent and I'm getting so frustrated because it's not getting better. It's times like this that I can't help but wonder why I can't see You at work. Why do all of my cries for help just feel like they aren't being heard? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? I can ask all these questions and wonder the day away, but I KNOW that You have this. I will keep praying, and keep trying to find what works to make this easier. I will do my part, and trust that You are in control...that what I do is with Your guidance.
I'm disappointed, frustrated, sad...please help Michael and I as we guide our daughter in Your ways. Help us to be an example of Your love and to show our girls that we trust in You so much that we have a reason for happiness and joy in our life. Help Emily to let go of her resistance towards school. Help her to show respect where she needs to, to be obedient towards the authority figures in her life, to be respectful towards teachers and other students and to become a light that shines in the midst of this dark world we live in. Help her to have FUN and to enjoy all the things that she already so loves to do! I know her heart and who she is. She is Yours. Help me to better show her that. Help me to guide her in Your ways. Help her defiance and anger to cease. Help her to feel happiness again. God, I hate seeing her sad and angry as she is most of the time. The couple of hours a day that we see her with a smile on her face and that she's able to just let go is priceless and warms my troubled heart. This isn't who she is and it's scaring me watching her and feeling like I'm losing the girl she used to be. I don't know if others see it. I don't know if they feel it like I do. Sometimes I truly feel like I'm losing a battle with Satan. We can't let him win! Give me strength, Lord and help me to give this all to You and to just do the very best that I can. I love You.
Give us a joyful weekend, Lord. Take away the stress for us all and please, during this time prepare her heart and her mind for next week. Lift this weight that I just feel like is holding her down. Infiltrate her spirit and take control. Please, God. I need You, we need You more than ever right now.
Thank you for listening to me as I bare my heart to You. Help my faith and my vulnerability be an example to others. Continue to mold me into who You want me to be. I love You and thank You for grace and forgiveness. Thank You for Jesus and all that I have through Him ~~~ Amen