Friday, January 16, 2009

Never enough...

So, do you ever feel like you're just never enough? Or you never do enough...
I do. I'm sometimes made to feel that way, and I also struggle with doing. I don't have a life here, outside of my home, therefore I'm not active in anything. And unfortunately I'm not good at doing enough around the house. I can't blame it all on pregnancy, because I struggled with it before I was pregnant (though I did have a colicky/acid refluxy baby for some months of that time). Anyway, I'm awful at cleaning, at organizing, at cooking on our totally off-whack schedule. I'll admit, the computer is a convenient and easy diversion, but it's also my lifeline. My mom tried to get me to become involved or at least use a website that helps women with cleaning (I couldn't get into it). Women on Cafemom play cleaning games (I'm not good at those). I've made lists and weekly schedules (that should be easy to keep, b/c I make them in a way so as to not overwhelm myself). I didn't follow it for long, at all!
I wouldn't normally consider myself a lazy person...my husband says that I "have it easy" compared to most women. And don't get me wrong, Michael and Emily and myself always have clean clothes, clean dishes...my house isn't nasty, just more...cluttered. I also cook at least several times a week, and I of course keep food in Em's belly and fix and take most of Michael's food to him on a plate. I did get out of the habit of cooking while I was nauseous all the time...I just couldn't do it most of the time. I pick up the living room before Michael gets home from work every night, and load the dishwasher then, and often cook or have something prepared for him when he gets home (at about 12:15a.m.).
Anyway, around here, whatever I do...it's never enough. So, what to do, what to do? Ah, well. I'm working on it, and I even pray about it. I guess I'll just have to keep putting forth the effort and praying, huh?
*Love*

3 comments:

The Barrons said...

Oh poor girl! I think we all feel that way sometimes. I struggle with it CONSTANTLY...but less with "around the house" stuff, and more in my relationships. I think a lot of it comes from me feeling like i have to make myself feel valuable by doing things, instead of just be who I am and give myself to the people around me. I read Captivating...and it was amazing. If you haven't, you should read it! :) Miss ya, and I'm glad for your friendship! Hang in there...you're doing a great job! :)

Marine Momma said...

sorrio nanny. just remember that being a good wife and mommy in and of itself is a HUGE job and you're doing just great with that!! i love you pal!

Rachel said...

Oh Nanny!I think this is something all women struggle with. I always struggle with "i dont do enough" Just do what you can, and don't stress too much about what you can't. I know it's hard to have the motivation sometime though. You're doing a great job raising a beautiful daughter so be proud of that!