Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Marriage Tuesday (since I missed out yesterday)...

A few of us couples from my church are doing a video series for marriage called Love & Respect. It's done by and based on the book by Dr Emerson Eggerichs. This is it:

I have the book and had actually read most of it before we started this so I was excited! I only got about 2/3 of the way through the book, though (for a couple reasons...one being that it felt very repetitive and also that it just wasn't a great time to immerse myself in a book at that time). I do want/need to re-read it now, though. The whole idea is based on Ephesians 5:22-33 but mostly on verse 33 which sums all those others up.

"However, each one of you also much love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

I know that there are people reading this who will laugh at the idea. I, however, think that even when you look at it outside of a Christian perspective it makes perfect sense. Men need and prefer respect over love. And although many women these days want respect, most, at a deeper lever and especially within a romantic relationship, want to be loved. Plain and simple.

Now what I'll be saying will be from a Christian perspective, since that is what I am and how I live my life.

Respect is something that I have a hard time with. I fully agree with the fact that my husband is the head of the house, and that major (and even when he puts his foot down, minor) decisions that he makes should be agreed to and done respectfully by me. For a long time my personal struggle was with the fact that I had a hard time respecting a man who didn't allow himself to be led by God. That my husband did not take on the responsibility as the spiritual head of our home. I can now joyfully say that that has changed! Prayer and patience are amazing things. :-) It's also REALLY hard for me to show respect when I think that I am right and he is wrong. But aren't most of us like that? I have done better at certain times in my marriage than others. It truly takes focus and dedication for me to do this. I have to make a conscious decision to do so and be in prayer daily about it.

It's amazing to me, though, how things work out. Dr Eggerichs talks a lot about what he calls "the crazy cycle".

Makes sense, right? Know what's awesome, though? Is THIS:

And what I have learned (yes, I KNOW this, I just don't find myself putting it into practice daily as I should) is that regardless of how "loving" he is towards me, the more respect I show him (which leads to fewer arguments), the more lovingly he treats me (and I don't think he even realizes it). I always say that if you wait on the other to treat you the way you think you deserve to be treated first, then you both may be left waiting forever. So take the initiative, and BE the change! This is what I tell myself, I'm not telling you necessarily. ;-)

I am a stubborn, ugly attitude, not so nice person towards my husband sometimes. But I love him and our family and want us to have the AMAZING relationship that I know God designed for us. So, I (along with my sister, who is going to help hold me accountable and I her) are going to work and pray towards being the wives that God commands and expects us to be so that our marriages can be more fully blessed. I know that by putting a conscious effort towards this, nothing but good can come of it.

I could probably go on and on, but that's what I'll say for today. Love and thanks to you all for keeping up with me! And feel free to comment and let me know if anything I say hits home with you, or if you disagree with something, or if something I say is offensive, or you just want to say hi! I LOVE comments and always try to reply back!


Nicole Hughes said...

This is something that I need to work on. I am so stubborn with my SO and it frustrates him to no end. But at the same time, I feel like I simply *cannot* trust him to always put his family first. And it isn't a hunch, it's based on experience, although his efforts have been especially admirable over this past summer.
What does a situation like that call for?

michelle said...

Good post, I agree, I think that men definately need to feel like they have respect. They need to know that they are taking care of people who feel greatful for what they are doing, trust they are doing the right thing. It creates direction. I cant remember where I read it, I think in a book called "raising boys", that men/boys need a purpose, be it serving God or serving their family.

I try to be Mikes cheerleader. I don't agree with everything he does in his life, but he's a happier person when I let him know that his efforts don't go unnoticed.

Janna Lynn said...

That's a tough one, Nicole! Based on my faith I would say that trusting in God to teach him to make decisions based on the family's best interest would mean that you try your best to respect and trust his decisions. But without those beliefs I wouldn't necessarily feel that obligation. That's where it's hard for me, too. But I have my faith in God that He's in control even when I'm hesitant of trusting my husband. I'm glad yours is showing more effort this summer though! That's a good step in the right direction!

Janna Lynn said...

Michelle, I haven't read that book but yes, I do think it's true regardless. There's a Christian based book called Wild at Heart that's all about how guys are designed and wired (little boys up through adulthood). Anyway, they def have different needs than women and on both sides we need to do better about recognizing what the other needs and giving them that.

LouLou said...

Great post Janna!
Thanks for sharing!!!!
I'm going to look into the book.
Love you!